Segment 96: Dumb statements

September 8, 2024

There’s an old, snobbish joke in the news business. A guy quits newspapers for public relations. In the morning, he writes a press release. He goes to lunch. When he returns, he reads the release, deems it to have no news value, and throws it away.
We talked about corporate-speak back in July 2021. Twice. It’s bad enough to be an incompetent writer for internal consumption. Companies pay people to write up quality press releases and public statements for the masses, and coach their executives on what to say in public . Doesn’t always work out.

Jan. 9, 2024, CNBC interview after a Boeing 737 Max 9 door plug blew out over Oregon: CNBC’s Kelly Evans: “How did an unsafe airplane fly in the first place?” Boeing CEO David Calhoun: “Because a quality escape occurred.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana)
We covered euphemisms back in July 2023. They’re ways of avoiding blunt language. According to aviation industry analyst Jon Ostrower, Editor-in-chief of the Air Current web page, “quality escape” is “Boeing jargon for when something wasn't built or repaired correctly. The quality has ‘escaped’ during the prescribed engineering or manufacturing process.” Yikes.
December 2023 Air Force announcement of discipline and reforms after a major classified documents leak: “A smaller number of unit members…intentionally failed to report the full details of these security concerns/incidents.”
By its very definition, you cannot intentionally fail to do something.
Minnesota Vikings statement: "We are absolutely heartbroken to announce that legendary Minnesota Vikings head coach and Hall of Famer Bud Grant has passed away this morning at age 95. We, like all Vikings and NFL fans, are shocked and saddened by this terrible news."
“Heartbroken” and “saddened” make a redundancy. And “shocked and saddened” is a brutal cliché. Also, while Grant certainly was a legend, and any passing is sad, most people probably would be OK with dying at 95. Why would anyone be shocked?
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau after a Chinese balloon was shot down over the Yukon in February 2023: "@NORADCommand shot down the object over the Yukon. Canadian and U.S. aircraft were scrambled, and a U.S. F-22 successfully fired at the object."
Successfully fired at the object? Talk about tying vocabulary in knots!
“Flight 90…encountered an accident on takeoff in Washington.” — Air Florida statement
For hours after an Air Florida plane dropped into the icy Potomac River on the afternoon of Jan. 13, 1982, live TV showed the tail jutting up and helicopters dropping ropes to survivors. All that time, Air Florida corporate was silent. When it finally did say something, it was this jewel of understatement about something everyone — everyone — already knew. Within 2-1/2 years, Air Florida was in bankruptcy.

*Trudeau (Canadian Prime Minister’s Office)*

Watch this on video:" https://youtu.be/yC07zioARlY?si=pjx-H9eMpfOAoENf

Next time: Liar. Liar. Pants on fire.

"Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

September 1, 2024

Clemency

Even as we pick on people for their writing goofs, we acknowledge that some are deserving of a break.

Yes, we know the writer meant, “collision.” But this was frantically posted just hours after the Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed in the middle of the night in March 2024.

Yes. “Prosecutors” (left) should not have an apostrophe. And “pouring” (below) should be poring. (You can see it quickly was fixed.)
But these reporters were having to write in real time from inside the courtroom during the Spring 2024 Donald Trump trial in New York. That should not have been necessary. New York bans cameras in court, but allows exceptions. The judge could have accommodated, via live TV, Americans’ constitutional rights to view this momentous trial. Just sayin’.

Yes, this is redundant. But this was 16 hours after the fact, and a lot of that was at night, so we’re inclined to cut some slack.

We’ve talked at length about hyperbole and redundancy. Well, sometimes you need it.

Eliot spotted these during a trip to Asia. Here’s the thing. These businesses are under absolutely no obligation to print anything in English. Anything.

Today’s rant: When you buy a new car, the dealer sticks his/her name on the frame around the license plate. You leave it on for the life of your car. Why are you giving them free advertising?

And we go to the video archives for Segment 71: Vote for me and I’ll set you free. https://youtu.be/XW10tVM79K0?si=oB2rjuREBk2ir1wK

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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Segment 95: Even More Hiding in Plain Sight

August 25, 2024

In segments in January 2024 and February 2023, we chased down the origins of clichés, idioms and dumb words people use every day. We’ve got more.

1. Loon: We always believed this description of a mentally ill person (crazy no longer is politically correct!) had nothing to do with the beautiful water birds whose haunting “whooooo” echoes across the North Woods. We figured it was a corruption of “lunatic,” itself likely inspired by the superstition that the moon’s movements could cause mental illness. But language is a messy science, with misty origins. We’re seeing perhaps “loon” came from both; “lunatic” for the moon and the bird for its wild cry. You’ll recall from our October 23, 2023, segment that the loon is Canada’s national bird and graces $1 and $2 coins, nicknamed “loonies” and “toonies.” If you never have heard a loon in the dark, you are really missing out.

2. Ad Hoc. From the Latin for “for this,” it usually refers to a government program, panel or investigation designed to deal with a short-term problem or issue.

3. Penny wise and pound foolish. This phrase for being frugal on little things, but foolishly overspending on big ones, refers not to weight but to British currency.

4. Fighting tooth and nail. This overused sports cliché is suggested by a cornered animal who desperately will fight an attacker with teeth and claws.

5. A broken record. We talked back in January 2023 about phonograph records and record albums. A record’s a disc in which music signals have been imbedded; as it spins, a needle picks up the data. Grooves spiral toward the middle. Records are very fragile. Scratching them could cause a break in a groove. Then the needle either jumps to another spot on the disc, or in most cases, back into the same groove. Again and again. Until you stop it. Thus the expression “broken record” for someone saying the same thing over and over. (Special thanks to audiophile Jim Guido.)

6. Red herring: This phrase for a false clue dates to the 1400s and the practice of, when wanting to prolong a fox hunt, dragging dead fish across a trail to confuse hounds. Smoked and salted herrings turned bright red and really stunk, so they were the preferred option.

7. “That’s the $64,000 question.” One of America’s earliest TV game shows premiered on June 5, 1955, and soon became a phenomenon. Over several weeks, a contestant needed 10 consecutive — no multiple choice — correct answers, first winning $1,000 and doubling each time, to get to the final round. The player then either took the $32,000 or risked everything to win $64,000 — a staggering $744,000-plus in 2024 dollars. That made the $64,000 question a huge deal.

8. Ringer: A college football team gets in big trouble when one of its players is revealed to be Patrick Mahomes in disguise. Whoops! The term “ringer,” for a contestant who secretly is far more talented than allowed, is said to date to the old British term “ring-in,” for “exchange.” Fast horses were snuck into a race to replace slower ones.

9. Stock in trade: “Lying was the politician’s stock in trade.” This phrase, for the usual part of a person or company’s behavior or work (sometimes hyphenated, and often butchered as “stock and trade”) goes back to 1600s England, where it referred to someone’s inventory.

10. Nook and cranny. Searching every nook and cranny means you looked everywhere, even in hard-to-reach places. It dates to the 14th century British word nook, an out-of-the-way corner, and the 15th century cranny, a crack or crevice.

11. Unhinged. Back to olde English. According to etymologists, this originally referred not to a door coming off its hinges, but instead to a meaning of “mental disorder.”

12. Take with a grain of salt. This term for viewing something with healthy skepticism has several possible origins. Quillbot.com mentions two: Pliny the Elder used the term about an antidote, leading to the idea that the antidote meant any threats involving that poison could be taken less seriously. Another says Roman general Pompey believed that he could gain immunity to poisons by consuming small amounts with a grain of salt.

13. Inbox. The internet was a brave new world. People had to make up new terms. So they borrowed some old ones. In “the old days” (and now as well), in offices, desks would have two trays. Items brought to the worker for attention were put in the inbox, and completed items went in the outbox. You get the idea.

14. Hand over fist. Eliot always had believed this referred to selling stuff so fast all you were doing was reaching for money with one hand and pulling it in with your other hand in a fist. But this is why you do research! Turns out it’s an old nautical term for the way you successfully pull yourself up a rope, and later morphed into a term for making money.

15. In stitches. This one was fun. Eliot always presumed it was a gruesome hyperbolic idiom about laughing so hard your sides split open and you have to have them stitched together. He was wrong! It goes all the way back to Shakespeare, and refers to a “stitch,” the pain or cramp you get in your side while jogging. Or laughing too hard. Eliot’s wife said, “Duh. Everyone knew that.” Readers?

16. Out and about. We never did find out how this phrase came “about.” It’s a cute colloquial, even though we don’t know how you would be just “about.” Readers?

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/tIDat7o2efM?si=CPPy13BdQAhatcV4

Next time: A company makes a really dumb public statement. Wow. That never happens!

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From the Grammar Police

August 18, 2024

We covered this geographical unforced error way back in November 2021. The term “XXX, FL” refers to a city. Not a single structure or house. You can say, “Branson, MO.” You can say, “Eugene, Oregon.” You can’t say, “Times Square, NY.” You can’t say, “Arrowhead Stadium, MO.” You can’t say, “Golden Gate Bridge, CA.” Or, “Graceland, TN.” Or, “Eiffel Tower, France.” Mar-a-Lago is an estate in the town of Palm Beach. So it’s “Palm Beach, FL.” Period.

Ohhh. The dreaded misplaced modifier. We’ve dealt with this plague many times, most recently in May 2024. It’s not your personal emergency device that wants to be independent. Correct: “To be truly independent, you need your personal emergency device to work on the go.”

We don’t know if there was a language barrier or these people were trying to be cute.

We covered this way back in September 2021. “Alumnus” is accepted for a graduate of either gender. “Alumni” is plural. C’mon. This is a college, for goodness’ sake.

We previously explained this. The hyphen is shorthand. It says, “from 1:30 to 2:00 pm.” So just delete “from.”

Hall of fame

We first posted this in September 2021. We’ve posted it every year around the same time. Four years later, week after week, day after day, It still runs in newspapers exactly like this. If you are a first timer: This says ten million dollars dollars.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 70: My pleasure! https://youtu.be/vE0YNVWZzd4?si=y43zjt9VYbg1f9Y5

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Segment 94: Still More Strunks

August 11, 2024

We talked in April 2022, and again in July 2023, about William Strunk, creator of the bible of good writing, Elements of Style. His prime directive: “Avoid Unnecessary Words.” To wit:

“He made his final decision.”
”He decided.” Yes, people sometimes make preliminary decisions. But a decision is presumed to be the final one— often, the only one — unless you specify.
“A completely new edition.”
”A new edition.” Something “new” is considered all new unless you specify. Some people sometimes say “completely new” when they mean just some parts are new.
“Publicly released the documents!”
”Released the documents.” Some documents can be released privately, but a release is presumed to be to the public unless you specify. Also, we don’t like “released.”
“The coaches huddled in between plays.”
”The coaches huddled between plays.”
Preheat the oven.
Heat the oven.
“U.S. temporarily suspends operations at embassy in Sudan.”
We've dealt with “suspend” a few times, starting as far back as December 2022. It implies something temporary. So even as "permanently suspends" is an oxymoron, "temporarily suspends" is redundant.
“An act of vandalism temporarily ruined a rainbow fence.”
Again. By definition, “ruin” would be permanent. The fence was temporarily defaced. Actually, just say it was defaced.
“Personal and confidential.”
You likely have seen this on the front of an envelope. We’ll allow as how the two aren’t exactly the same. But for purposes of that mailing, “confidential” on the envelope is enough.
“Deadly gang shootout leaves three dead at motorcycle rally.”
If it left three dead, it’s already deadly, right?
“Please gather your personal belongings as you leave the aircraft.”
We’ve beaten up flight attendants over the redundant “landing momentarily” and “initial descent.” This too. All belongings are personal. Just say, “belongings.”

11. “American Airlines plane turns back around to airport mid-flight.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana)
“…plane turns back to airport…”

12. “Customer notice: Prices are for cash purchases. Credit/debit card purchases will be charged an additional 3.5% to offset processing fees.”
“Credit/debit: Add 3.5%.”

13. “What to watch for when are you are hiring new employees.”
”We’re not hiring new employees. We’re hiring old employees.” Sounds pretty dumb, wouldn’t you say? All newly hired employees at your company are new employees. So just say, “…when you are hiring employees.” Actually, it’s just , “…when you are hiring.”

14. With your help, we can do more for the Cincinnati community.”
”With your help, we can do more for Cincinnati.”

Next time: We learn the origins of some brutal clichés.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

From the Grammar Police

August 4, 2024

Drivel means nonsense. We suspect that’s what the man meant.

A few people got it right.

Others took a little dig at the goof.

The rules committee’s Lou Ann Frala reports, “He apparently said it in an email to a reporter. Someone who didn’t have presence of mind to call him on it. Or maybe the reporter and his or her editors wanted the gaffe to get out and circulate among the word nerds and the merely literate.“

The problem with an acronym is that a lot of people forget for what word it’s shorthand. UFO means “unidentified flying object.” Unidentified? There are tons of those. What the Pentagon said is there’s no evidence any of them are extraterrestrial.

Sometimes you just gotta ladle on the grammar.

Pick one. The dictionary spells it pizzeria.

We dealt with a similar sign back in May 2022. Does this mean they can accept some contactless payments? Or none?

Visibly? Ummm, no thanks.

The story was about the first integrated team. You know, the opposite. The first segregated team probably was the first team.

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:
Loyal reader and occasional contributor Dr. Baruch Kahana wrote to ask about the use of very in this sentence: “It is very true that most Americans have a wonderful zest for life.” He wondered if it’s needed, saying, “Something is true, or it’s not. No?”
Lou Ann, the Rules Committee, opined: “From the real bible, Elements of Style: ‘Very. Use this word sparingly. Where emphasis is necessary, use words strong in themselves.’”
The court therefore CONCURS with the plaintiff.

And we go to the archives for Segment 69: TV news cliche bingo. https://youtu.be/lC79wt9oHGg?si=GKepflwgDKw31mU6

Next time: Have you been Strunked?

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 93: Tropes

July 28, 2024

Movies are full of what are called “tropes.” The late, great film critic Roger Ebert saw so many in his career that he assembled them in a book. The screenwriters are writing visual clichés. Still clichés. We said many times that relying on them is one of the most profound forms of lazy writing. Here are some tropes you’ll recognize right away:

via GIPHY

An ugly duckling girl becomes beautiful simply by removing her glasses and applying a little makeup. On prom night, her beau will stare, jaw agape, as that former ugly ducking glides down a stair, now looking like a movie star. (What if you don’t have a second floor?)
The student gets on the bus at the last minute. The businessman jumps onto the back of the ferry as it’s pulling away. Nobody gets hurt.
There’s always a parking space on the street, right out front, even in places such as Manhattan.
Somehow, despite being blanketed by gunfire from numerous shooters, the hero is unharmed. He then fires wildly while falling and somehow kills every bad guy with a single shot. (see Star Wars.)
A man is bonked on the head. He instantly falls unconscious. He “comes to” a short time later, rubbing the bump on his head, but quickly has recovered and is clear-headed enough to identify the killer. (We covered this in 2021. A single blow would not be enough to cause unconsciousness. Or, or if it was, the person would not "come to" and quickly recover, but rather would be in a hospital with a skull fracture or other head injury. The person likely still would be unconscious. He possibly would be dead.)

A woman will, out of nowhere, need to run to the toilet, where she vomits within seconds. This means she is pregnant. (Many women will tell you that, during their pregnancy, they didn’t vomit once.)
The homemaker runs to the phone after it’s rung several times; she never is there on the first ring. She always is walking in from the grocery store. While few stores still use paper bags, that’s what she has. Sticking out: a bunch of carrots, greens still on top. And often a french bread, unwrapped.

Toonces Fast Drive GIFfrom Toonces GIFs

People will drive for several minutes while looking at the front seat or back seat passengers, not the road. Nothing bad will happen.

Dad and kids come down to a breakfast table groaning with eggs, juice, coffee, cereal, and pastries. All will shout, “Sorry, I’m late,” then grab something to go and take one swig of coffee before dashing out. The wife apparently doesn’t work and doesn’t mind getting up early to make a giant breakfast no one eats.
Someone will run in and say “Turn on the TV.” The TV announcer then will give the news from the beginning. If that first person just heard it in the other room, by the time the second person turns it on, the announcer would be well into the body of the news story. Or done. Also, the first person never says what channel to turn on.

Out of nowhere comes a bolt of lightning and simultaneous clap of thunder, followed by an instant downpour. This is meteorologically possible, but not a fraction as common as movies would have you believe.

In a scene showing a couple just having had sex, the man has the sheet down to his waist, exposing his chest, while the woman has the same magic bedsheet up around her shoulders. When the two step out of bed, they inexplicably are wearing underwear.
People have mid-level jobs but can afford to live in an elegant apartment/home.
A person goes into a bar and orders “beer” or “whiskey” or “scotch” but never says what kind.

A man says to someone, “Dinner tonight?” He leaves without either person discussing when or where. Sometimes, they’ve just met, but neither asks the other’s address or phone number.

Readers: You must have tropes of your own. Send ‘em in!

Next time: You still aren’t tightening that writing. Get to it!

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From the Grammar Police

July 21, 2024

The hits keep coming!

We’re guessing they meant lightning round.

The writer of this normally covers a different beat, so perhaps we can cut a break. Maybe the writer got waylaid by the reference to Matt formerly being on a Canadian NHL team. But we found Matt Tkachuk’s bio online in 10 seconds. He and his brother Brady —both NHL players — were born in Arizona and grew up in St. Louis, places where their father Keith, also a National Hockey League standout, played. The dad, by the way, was born in Massachusetts.

One more time: This says 21 million dollars dollars.

Dang. We keep doing the math and it keeps coming back to two centuries.

Sorry, tofu. It just didn’t work out. Listing “winging” was the last straw. Please empty your desk. Good luck.

This one hits close to home. Eliot advises that reports of his death were an exaggeration.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 68: Can’t get enough of bad TV. https://youtu.be/YkC6uxHeqmU?si=xOcY1-K2OI2wkLLc

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Segment 92: Ignorance and Apathy

July 14, 2024

Joke:
Moe: “Hey Joe: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?”
Joe: “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
We talked in 2021 about people who make mistakes of geography, history and anatomy. You’ve seen videos on comedy shows of “reporters” going out on the street and asking people the most basic questions; Is New York north of Atlanta? What country bombed Pearl Harbor? Where’s your collarbone? And stumping them.
Perhaps the general public doesn’t feel the same pressure as professional journalists and authors. Except sometimes it seems there’s not a lot of motivation by anyone to get it right.

Recently, teams faced off in Miami for the World Baseball Classic. People didn’t have to be a citizen of a country to play for it. A player could have been born there or have a parent who was a citizen or native. That didn’t stop announcers from saying “Nicaraguan” or “Dominican” for all players on those teams. Including those who now are naturalized American citizens. Or whose parents or grandparents came from those countries but the player was born here. And, of course, some announcer invariably would describe the American possession of Puerto Rico, which is permitted to field a team, as a separate country. It’s not.

“Prigozhin and Putin go way back, with both born in Leningrad, what is now St. Petersburg.”
“Now” suggests a new name. But the city was founded as St. Petersburg, and called that for two centuries, then changed to Petrograd and then Leningrad, and then changed back to St. Petersburg. So: “…both born in St. Petersburg during the time the Soviets had renamed it Leningrad.”
“ New development will rise to dizzying heights — and wipe out their trailer park.”
A trailer rides down the street, towed by a vehicle. A mobile home moves — when it does — only from one site to another, where it stays put. This was a mobile home park. Which is not a trailer park.
(Prosecutor) interrogates witness under oath.”
You don’t need the words “under oath” because, umm, all witnesses are under oath. (Also, the headline suggests the prosecutor, not the witness, was under oath.)
“The city.”
This is a New York thing, so we’re going to lose this battle. New York City comprises five boroughs: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, the Bronx, and Staten Island. Nevertheless, many New Yorkers — including some relatives of the “Horribly Wrong” team — think of Manhattan as “the city,” and will tell you they are driving from Brooklyn to “the city,” even though they already are in the city.

“(The death) was initially reported to be from natural causes, but his death certificate has revealed the actor actually died of heart disease.”
This might be our winner. Heart disease isn’t a natural cause? Perhaps this was written by someone for whom English is not the first language. Or maybe it was created by AI. Brave new world!

Adolph Hitler.
Adolf Hitler is the subject of scores of books and movies and has become the go-to metaphor for any modern-day autocrat. Despite that, a recent search of newspapers.com finds a staggering 285,000-plus instances, dating to 1922, of newspapers spelling his name Adolph.

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/PAaTDFeasoA?si=YlqjheGMYb8TBNoU

Next time: The Oscars of cliches.

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From the Grammar Police

July 7, 2024

Youd think that after. All our segment’s on mispelings and homo phones and other gramatical missed steaks; thing’s, would be imporving. Theyre knot!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 67: More tight writing. https://youtu.be/ec4BJYZV5s8?si=SmD6Yc5tQB1V6D1Y

From the Mailbag:
You’ll recall our Feb. 25, 2024, segment, in which we fixed the grammar of song lyrics. And wished we hadn’t.
Loyal reader and occasional contributor Dr. Baruch Kahana wrote to point out the 1950s classic, “I Only Have Eyes for You.” Yes, Doc. It should be “I Have Eyes Only For You.”
The Rules Committee’s Lou Ann writes: “Grammatically speaking, yes. But there’s a thing called artistic license. It can drive nitpickers right around the bend.”

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writi"ng we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

Segment 91: Huh?

June 30, 2024

Did you ever see a line that jumps out at you from the page or TV screen or your computer, and think, “That sentence doesn’t make sense!”
You also might have said, “I’m not a professional. If I noticed that goof instantly, why didn’t the writers/editors?”
We’re thinking the same thing.

“The (Lincoln) memorial is located along the infamous National Mall along with The Washington Monument. It’s a very beautiful monument that’s well worth a visit.”
This blogger was so enthusiastic she forgot that infamous is not the same as famous. Lincoln: Famous. John Wilkes Booth: Infamous.
“Emergency responders found victims -- including the third fatal person who died — in that building as well.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana)
Fatal person who died?
“Any pet that is noisy…will not be allowed to remain in the park.”
We covered this back in September 2021. You don’t allow, or forbid, a dog to do anything. It won’t listen. It’s a dog. Say, “If any pet is noisy…the owner will have to remove it from the park.”
“I hope this letter finds you well.”
We talked in September 2023 about formality gone overboard. Yes. We hope someone finds us well! Better than “I hope this letter finds you dead somewhere in a ditch.” Wouldn’t you say? Also, an inanimate object — in this case a letter — can’t find anything.
“Lufthansa points out that it entered the pandemic with a widebody fleet made up of 50% widebodies.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana).
Only half your doughnuts are doughnuts? The horror!
“Mother of convicted rapist found dead with 6 other people in Oklahoma is searching for answers.” (Submitted by Milt Baker.)
The writer of this unintelligible mess reposted it later with two critical words added, and then it made sense: “Mother of convicted rapist who was found dead with six other people in Oklahoma is searching for answers.” It’s still pretty unwieldy and begs a lot of questions. And "searching for answers” is a brutal cliché.
(Congressman) might be one of the most controversial people in Washington, D.C., but there is no shortage of love for him in his home district of … A crowd of well over 100 people showed up at…”
In July 2022, we dealt with TV reporters somehow professing to know how an entire community feels. In this case, we go after a print reporter. A congressional district has 700,000 people. If 100 show up at a rally for a guy, how can a reporter make the leap that most of the 700,000 love him?
…soldiers from the United States, South Korea, and local residents came together…”
We covered the maligned comma back in August 2021. Here’s what this writer just said:
Soldiers from the United States
Soldiers from South Korea
Soldiers from local residents
Correct: “…soldiers from the United States and South Korea, as well as local residents….” (P.S.: came together also is a brutal cliché.)
“Boeing CEO apologizes for safety lapses at Senate hearing.”
The misplaced modifier! Like an old friend. Or old meat loaf.
Homophobic.
We know this has become part of the lexicon. But it really isn’t right. It’s not. You know that “phobia” doesn’t mean “hate.” It means, “fear.” Now, some would argue that people who hate the LGBTQ+ movement for equality and dignity actually might be afraid of it. That’s for another day.
“I’m more than happy to attend.”
How can you be more than happy? How does that work? Physically?

Watch this on video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNkotJDiQfk&t=36s

A unique note from the Horriby Wrong” team:

Readers: You know we've often slapped hands over very unique or most unique. Our argument was the definition of unique: one of a kind. How can you be very one?
"Horribly Wrong's" bible is the Associated Press Stylebook. In the spring of 2024, it announced it had partnered with the Merriam-Webster Dictionary and so would follow that tome's ruling that it was acceptable to describe something as very unique when the sense is highly unusual, rare, etc. It did say the obvious: Don't use very unique when the sense is one of a kind.
We've acknowledged that language is a living thing. We've noted that makes it vulnerable to mauling. That's how we ended up with funds in your fund, making an appointment for your appointment, and wondering if your train is stopping momentarily or momentarily.
Naturally, the "Horribly Wrong" team will aver to our gurus. But we note that this blog is about not just accuracy but clarity. Sure, you can do it now. But why not go one better? If something is really rare, say really rare. If it's one of a kind, save the wonderful unique for that. That's our advice.

.Next time: I don’t know, and I don’t care.

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From the Grammar Police

June 23, 2024

Double trouble!

Chronics:

In the third story, we counted — not including the headline — 16 paragraphs that used variations of “attack” 24 times. We’ve said scientists discourage news outlets from using “attack,” since most encounters are accidents. You are 75 times more likely to be killed by lightning than a shark, and no one says “lightning attack.” Scientists say the term is inflammatory and causes unnecessary panic (making this headline ironic).
Scientists also warn this attitude has caused a mentality that all sharks are monsters and should be killed on sight; in reality, they are crucial to the ocean food chain. Even Peter Benchley spent the last part of his life undoing “what” Jaws helped create.
Also — and we remind ourselves this is a grammar blog — shark infested is inflammatory. It just means sharks are in the water. Which, in places such as Australia and Florida, is just about all the time. See the first paragraph.

Note to satirists: They would lie in bed. You knew that.

We covered this back in July 2022. Under what circumstances would a child be zero years old? (PS: We salute Dolly. So far she’s given away, globally, some 200 million books!)

We covered this before. This is a Pinocchio. The only time a politician, or a salesman, or anyone, is personally asking is when he or she is doing it in person. Right?

We covered this in November 2021. Out of ten Americans, how many consume adequate fruits? One. One in ten consumes adequate fruits.

We talked about this back in November 2021 in our segment on geography disqualifiers. This is apples and oranges. Canada is a country. New York is a state. Use “Ontario” and New York.” Americans know where the province of Ontario is. Or should know. Also, if you’re using “NY” for New York, then “CA” would be…California. Right? Except California’s a long way from here.

“Horribly Wrong” rails against misleading ads. The bag at left claims to be "fun size."

This is fun size.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 66: Euphemisms. https://youtu.be/XYT4rbYLgrQ?si=vYkWB5s9lNoo3WVK

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:
Our June 9, 2024, segment used the line, “hurricane season is upon us.” Loyal reader and self-described "Grammar Nazi" Suzanne D'Spain submits:
"Your posts are eye-catching. However, there is one statement you made that drives me nuts....summer is "upon us." This is pretty hackneyed, and catches my attention and not in a good way. Why is everything now "upon us." Could it just be the summer season or whatever event it is?”
The Rules Committee (Lou Ann) opines: “It’s probably hackneyed, buy it’s also a perfectly good English idiom.“ However, as someone who regularly disses others for their grammar, Eliot believes it is incumbent on him to keep his cliché basket empty. He therefore pleades NOLO CONTENDERE and will retire the phrase.

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Segment 90: Close, but no cigar.

June 16, 2024

It’s our 90th Segment!

These writers were oh, so close.

“When the team gave up a touchdown in the last minute, the coach blew a casket.”
Gaskets are seals in a car’s engine block that keep fluids and hot gases from escaping. When they blow, it’s a big mess. That’s the origin of the cliché. Blowing a casket sounds like something in a horror movie.
“The senator, who previously had supported the program, took a different tact.”
Took a different tack. (It’s from an old sailing term.)
“Good things come to those who wait. Stephen can attest.”
You don’t just attest. You have to attest to something. “Stephen can attest to that.”
“The Lakers squashed a deal that would have paired T-Mac with Kobe and Shaq.”
You squash a bug. You quash a deal.
“That turned into the worse case scenario…”
Actually, it’s “a worst-case scenario.” And it’s a cliché.
“The news anchor said he was blind-sighted by the dismissal.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana).
He was blindsided.
“You can call back between 7 a.m. to 6 p.m.”
You may call back between 7 and 6. You may call back from 7 to 6. You can’t do both.

8. “We’ll never know what might have happened if President Kennedy hadn’t diffused the Cuban Missile Crisis.”
”Diffuse” is an adjective for less concentrated (“diffuse scent.”) Kennedy defused the crisis. Look at the spelling and you get it right away. Think bomb squads.

9. We have a menu to wet the pickiest appetite.”
While people do at times drool while perusing a tantalizing menu, the proper word is whet, meaning to sharpen, although something at the bar might wet your whistle.

10. “President Lyndon Johnson identified the clash in Selma as a turning point in U.S. history.”
In a “clash,” both sides actively participate in violence. To suggest that, in March 1965, protestors on Selma’s Edmund Pettus Bridge clashed with police billy clubs, is to suggest that nails clash with hammers.

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/ZsZdKmbca9g?si=r-k9iVfBE0pFqwSC

Next time: Huh?

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From the Grammar Police

June 9, 2024

Stormy weather

The hurricane season is upon us, and the forecast is for the usual goofs. We’ve spoken often about having too many qualifiers, and how it’s a form of cowardly writing. That a hurricane will hit Florida? The chances are high. That a hurricane may hit Florida? That’s 100 percent. (And it would be might.)

This headline writer lose our vote.

Remember the rule about “only,” which we talked about back in August 2021. This headline should read, “Ablation procedure recommended only if medications…” And, newspaper layout pros will point out, the headline still fits.

The Florida city is Lake Wales. You know, like it says in the second paragraph of the story.

Jones isn’t missing his third straight game against the Jets. He’ll be missing his third straight game the night his team plays the Jets. These guys below, describing a different streak, got it right. Of the last 15 times the Patriots played the Jets, the Patriots won.

As with commas, misplaced quote marks can change everything. The political action committee is called “Save America.” Not “Save America PAC.” So it should be “Save America” PAC.

Dang that! punctuation. It makes us %one^hyndred!percent crazy.

This is a tough one, and it might get us labeled as grinches. Look. It’s a sweet sentiment. We just think it’s creepy. If you own a pet, you are NOT its mother or grandmother. Your dog had a grandmother. It was another dog. (PS: It would be granddog.)

And we go to the video archives for Segment 65: Still more homophones. https://youtu.be/crvm8yAcIhQ?si=8yFma3mdkPx16cT2

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Segment 89: Hyperbole

June 2, 2024

You probably have heard the expression, “Jumping the shark.” It refers to a scene in the 1970s TV series Happy Days in which the family vacations in Southern California and Fonzie ski-jumps over a shark. It’s come to mean the moment a TV series — or any institution — goes too far, and becomes ridiculous, and starts its decline.
Desperate writers sometimes use hyperbole — meaning exaggeration; far more dramatic wording than the situation calls for — and come off looking silly. Here are some examples.

“We’re ecstatic you’ve chosen to call our hotel home during your stay.”
“We are thrilled to invite you… “
“Our sale will be legendary.”
“The party was awesome.” (Ask the person, "Were you in awe?” She might not know what that means.)
“That touchdown was unbelievable!” (Of course, everyone was able to believe it.)
“We will not rest until the killer is found.” (Well, this person will rest.)

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/ueEpPlkvwxI?si=N7CdLBEkcIzuam-F

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:.
Longtime reader and occasional contributor Bruce Moore, himself a retired copy editor and a former colleague of the “Horribly Wrong” team, questioned the capitalization of “former.” The question also was raised about “President.” The Rules Committee opined: “‘We partly CONCUR. ‘President’ before a name is still a title and still uppercase. But former in any usage should be lowercase.”

Next time: Oh! So close.

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From the Grammar Police

May 26, 2024

Happy Memorial Day! Not.

Readers: Tomorrow, May 27, is Memorial Day. Last year, Eliot heard a car dealer ad that said, “Celebrate Memorial Day with a new Volkswagen!”
Several times during Eliot’s long career in journalism, he had the sad privilege of writing about fallen members of our military, both current and from long ago. He stood with their families at local cemeteries. He wrote about Arlington, perhaps the most humbling spot in America. He interviewed many a veteran, and many told him: “I’m not a hero. The heroes are my buddies who died. Honor them. Remember them.”
That’s why the Horribly Wrong team gets its back up — as, we hope, you would — when people say, “Happy Memorial Day” or “Celebrate Memorial Day.”
Or when companies take advantage of the work holiday by holding big sales, with splashy ads showing girls in short shorts standing in the surf, and bare-chested guys popping brewskis, and hot dogs sizzling on the grill, and fireworks exploding.
And some outfits suggest it’s a good day to watch strippers.
You don’t say, “Happy Yom Kippur,” or “Happy Good Friday,” or use “happy” for any of the the somber holy days of the world’s faiths. Memorial Day is not a day you celebrate. The word “memorial” should be the giveaway.
We suspect most folks honor our country’s military dead as much as anyone, and they’re just lazy or tone deaf. People: Take a minute before you consider that ad or sales event. It’s the least you can do.

Or maybe this…

And we go to the video archives for Segment 64: Grammatical Optical Illusions. https://youtu.be/Vgt5xY_Y4Jg?si=hzwCbaT2ezFzUHe_

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Segment 88: Ben Franklin's hat

May 19, 2024

The great statesman Ben Franklin was many things. “Horribly Wrong” loves ol’ Ben because, as a printer, he knew all too well the importance of tight writing, something we covered in February 2021 and July 2023.

There’s an anecdote told in many sources, including H.W. Brands’ The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin, a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.

*Detail of Jefferson and Franklin in “Signing of the Declaration of Independence.”. John Trumbull. Library of Congress,*

The Continental Congress was voting on Thomas Jefferson’s wording of the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson complained to Franklin about the members’ voluminous editing nitpicks.

Ben told him a story of the man who had apprenticed as a hatter and now was about to open his own shop. The man asked friends to opine about his proposed wording of the sign that would hang outside. It would have an image of a hat, followed by:

“John Thompson, hatter, makes and sells hats for ready money.”

One person noted the sign already said Thompson sold hats. So “hatter” was crossed out.

Then one said people didn’t care who made the hats if they were of good quality. “Makes and” was deleted.

One person argued people just would presume Thompson didn't sell on credit, so “for ready money,” meaning cash only, wasn’t necessary.

Now the sign said just, “John Thompson sells hats,” with the picture of the hat.

But, one contended, who needs “sells?” No one expected Thompson to give them away.

And another argued you don’t need the word “hat” because one was painted right on the sign.

So now it would say just “John Thompson,” with the picture of the hat.

In Eliot’s long career, he had editors who’d have gone one step further than the poor hatter’s friends. The man was just starting out. His name meant nothing. Just show the picture of the dang hat!

And some tellers of the hatter story argue it’s about the danger of cutting too much! After all, Moby Dick is a massive volume, but you could tell the story (SPOILER COMING!) in fifteen words: “An obsessed ship captain chases the whale who took his leg. The whale drowns him.” But why? You’d have no book.

So, as always, dear reader, the Horribly Wrong team advises that the answer is somewhere in between. Moby Dick is 209,117 words. The Old Man and the Sea is 27,000. Both are masterpieces. As we have done for now nearly 90 segments, we counsel you to find your own voice.

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/oSA2YcBmVv4?si=483PK1Jc3aICJ5DT

Next time: Don’t jump the shark!

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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From the Grammar Police

May 12, 2024

My head literally exploded!

There’s just about, maybe, sometimes, occasionally, nothing worse than people using literally, but not using it literally.
People naturally like hyperbole because they feel it makes them sound smarter and they need to one-up each other. So people began saying things such as, “I’m in shock,” when they weren’t. That forced writers and other grammatically responsible people to have to start saying literally to differentiate cases where people really, medically, were in shock. The masses, still addicted to hyperbole, then appropriated “literally,” making them both hyperbolic and incorrect. Which led us to the tragic reality in which we now literally live.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

*https://www.rd.com/article/what-does-literally-mean/*

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:

A lower court ruled that since a “bombshell” is a surprise, all bombshells are new, and this phrase is redundant. Appellants argued this particular trial had produced several bombshells, and these were just the latest. The Rules Committee opined: “We REVERSE. ‘New bombshells,’ while a cliché, is not redundant.”

And we go to the video archives for Segment 63: Are you gruntled? https://youtu.be/m2-ld_hp3QI

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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Segment 87: Modifiers more misplaced!

May 5, 2024

Remember our January 2022 segment on misplaced modifiers? And our December 2022 Grammar Police segment, which we devoted entirely to them? They keep coming. As this is our 87th segment, we’d guess that by now, you can figure out the goof in each of these entries, as well as how to fix it. Write us if you’re stumped.
(You might wonder if the “Horribly Wrong” creates mis-phrases from scratch to fit a segment’s theme. No. Every one of these actually appeared. Completed our mission never is!)

“Trump congratulates McCarthy after winning speakership.”
Senate to take up funding bill after passing the House.”
“A Brightline train struck and killed a pedestrian while walking along the tracks…”
“Man dies after two cars hit him crossing road.” (Submitted by Milt Baker)
“While driving to urgent care for his chest pains, his girlfriend called him.”
“An SUV was found by responders in flames.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana).
"Officials say the radar blip re-emerged overnight on Saturday. And after floating over Lake Huron near Michigan, President Biden made the call to bring that one down, too."
“New concerns arose after the Supreme Court gave states the right to ban abortion in June.” (Submitted by Bob Yankowitz)
The Biden administration is scrambling to avert a diplomatic crisis over Israeli settlement activity this week at the United Nations…”
“Man accused of stealing two luxury cars, soft drinks from outdoor fridge.” (Submitted by Kevin Maragh)
“Some prominent Virginia Republicans who support tighter abortion restrictions have ruled out adding penalties for patients, including Attorney General Jason S. Miyares …” (Submitted by Bob Yankowitz.)
“Cowboys for Trump” co-founder Couy Griffin was found not guilty Wednesday of a misdemeanor charge of failing to register a political committee at a trial in southern New Mexico.”
“US Navy shoots down drone heading toward USS Thomas Hudner in self-defense.’ (Submitted by Art Fyvolent.)
“…confirmed his son died of an accidental overdose on social media.” (Submitted by Art Fyvolent.)
“……joined officials to celebrate the completion of Brightline’s rail construction to Orlando at a roundtable.”
“Former teacher allegedly tipped off to teen sex arrest by deputy in custody.”
Landscaper fatally runs over homeless woman sleeping in California park with lawnmower.”
“David Pecker testifies about sources for tabloid exclusives during Trump trial.”
“Soccer ref suspended after kneeing player complaining about call in the groin.”

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/yCczRB1M-_8?si=mf6Gk4r5HkONRLdE

Next time: Ben Franklin and his hat.

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From the Grammar Police

April 28, 2024

*https://www.wired.com/1994/09/moon-land/*

Pretty regularly, you’ll see or hear that “the government,” or “the media” or sometimes just a nebulous “they,” has something really juicy that they DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW.
In Eliot’s career, he came across many things that, in his journalistic judgment, weren’t newsworthy or couldn’t be substantiated. So, yes, technically, these were things Eliot DIDN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. Actually, he didn’t care if you knew. He just wasn’t going to tell you.
There’s a word for this malady: paranoia. One group of guys even has a podcast about conspiracy theories called, of course, “Stuff they don’t want you to know.”
And by the way, the world of “news” has become so kaleidoscopic, especially when it comes to politics, that if one outlet DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW, another does.