Dragnet
Eliot spent most of his career reporting crime and breaking news. They’re the bread and butter of the business. It shouldn’t be a surprise that that’s where you’ll find a lot of typos, fact errors, bad grammar and clichés. Many stories are written right from police reports. The “Horribly Wrong” team wouldn’t presume to be qualified in law enforcement, and certainly officers have more important things to do than check the quality of their write-ups. But the journalists who work those reports into stories have no excuse for not cleaning up the wording.
“Police say the driver attempted to flee the scene.”
Just say, ”Police say the driver tried to flee.” “Flee the scene” is both wordy and a brutal cliché.“On July 28, a 17-year-old boy was taken to a hospital in critical condition after police said he was shot inside the convenience store overnight.”
This victim was hospitalized after he was shot. Not after police said he was shot.“A man was allegedly caught dumping toxic waste.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana.)
There’s no alleged about it. He definitely was caught. He “was caught allegedly dumping toxic waste.” But even that’s awkward. How about, “Authorities say they caught the man dumping toxic waste.”“…as well as the alleged murder of his wife and son.”
See #3. It’s a fact that the wife and son were murdered. Not allegedly murdered. What’s at question is whether the father did it. Try: “…as well as the allegation that he was the murderer of his wife and son.”“That’s when the alleged rape occurred.”
We covered this back in May 2021, but it bears repeating. You might have called it an alleged rape, but you just said it definitely occurred. That’s not been proven. Correct: “Police say that’s when the rape allegedly occurred.”“Police said he died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound."
Brutal cliché, cop-speak, wordy, euphemism. Take your pick. Really, all of the above. Just say, sadly, “Police say he shot himself.”“Authorities say he stole and crashed a police car with a K-9 unit inside.”
We covered this back in November 2022. What’s a K-9 unit? It’s a dog. A police dog. Not a unit. A dog.“The medical examiner ruled the woman’s death a homicide. It’s not clear why the man was not arrested.”
Many a reporter has paid dearly for mishandling this nuance. When a cop says “homicide,” the implication is criminal. But for a doctor, all “homicide” means is that the death was not an accident and not a suicide; it occurred at the hands of another person. The person might have killed through recklessness, or even in self-defense. Be careful. Get clarification. And write clearly!
Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/8lkTyHE4UV4?si=AaBAutALaef5k9EQ
Next time: Asking your favor.
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com.
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!