Readers: In our previous segment, we listed brutal phrases that are bandied about the corporate world in a desperate, and failed, effort to sound cool. We couldn’t fit them all in one segment.
1. Let’s “parking lot” that.“
“Parking lot” apparently means to reject or table an idea by metaphorically placing it in the parking lot. Good grief.
2. Please take this offline.
This is in the same category as “parking lot this.”
3. We should workshop it to make sure we’re on the same page.
“Workshop” isn’t a verb either. You can’t stir hydrogen and oxygen together and wait for it to turn into water by itself. It doesn’t work. And you can’t just use a noun as a verb and expect it always to work. And if you want to be on the same page, go ahead. You can flip a coin to see who moves to the Sports section.
4. We’re taking this to the next level.
What level would that be?
5. We need to think outside the box.
Brutal cliché. What box?
6. Our new campaign really raises the bar and marks a paradigm shift.
Two brutal clichés in one sentence. What bar? And what is a paradigm anyway? Do you know? Do your clients know? When you throw big words at them, it doesn’t impress them. Just the opposite.’
7. Let’s interface.
In your face.
8. Let’s work on our core competencies.
Sure. As soon as we figure out what that means.
9. We are beginning the off-boarding process for James.
If you’re firing someone, have the courage to say it! Off-boarding process?
10. Paul needs to be a team player..
Paul didn’t listen to our advice, and we had to “parking lot” him. We suspect the offboarding process has started.
Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/hoFfKcfK-pI
Next time: If only.
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!