There’s an old, snobbish joke in the news business. A guy quits newspapers for public relations. In the morning, he writes a press release. He goes to lunch. When he returns, he reads the release, deems it to have no news value, and throws it away.
We talked about corporate-speak back in July 2021. Twice. It’s bad enough to be an incompetent writer for internal consumption. Companies pay people to write up quality press releases and public statements for the masses, and coach their executives on what to say in public . Doesn’t always work out.

• Jan. 9, 2024, CNBC interview after a Boeing 737 Max 9 door plug blew out over Oregon: CNBC’s Kelly Evans: “How did an unsafe airplane fly in the first place?” Boeing CEO David Calhoun: “Because a quality escape occurred.” (Submitted by Dr. Baruch Kahana)
  We covered euphemisms back in July 2023. They’re ways of avoiding blunt language. According to aviation industry analyst Jon Ostrower, Editor-in-chief of the Air Current web page, “quality escape” is “Boeing jargon for when something wasn't built or repaired correctly. The quality has ‘escaped’ during the prescribed engineering or manufacturing process.” Yikes.

• December 2023 Air Force announcement of discipline and reforms after a major classified documents leak: “A smaller number of unit members…intentionally failed to report the full details of these security concerns/incidents.”
  By its very definition, you cannot intentionally fail to do something.

• Minnesota Vikings statement: "We are absolutely heartbroken to announce that legendary Minnesota Vikings head coach and Hall of Famer Bud Grant has passed away this morning at age 95. We, like all Vikings and NFL fans, are shocked and saddened by this terrible news."
  “Heartbroken” and “saddened” make a redundancy. And “shocked and saddened” is a brutal cliché. Also, while Grant certainly was a legend, and any passing is sad, most people probably would be OK with dying at 95. Why would anyone be shocked?

• Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau after a Chinese balloon was shot down over the Yukon in February 2023: "@NORADCommand shot down the object over the Yukon. Canadian and U.S. aircraft were scrambled, and a U.S. F-22 successfully fired at the object."
  Successfully fired at the object? Talk about tying vocabulary in knots!

• “Flight 90…encountered an accident on takeoff in Washington.” — Air Florida statement
  For hours after an Air Florida plane dropped into the icy Potomac River on the afternoon of Jan. 13, 1982, live TV showed the tail jutting up and helicopters dropping ropes to survivors. All that time, Air Florida corporate was silent. When it finally did say something, it was this jewel of understatement about something everyone — everyone — already knew. Within 2-1/2 years, Air Florida was in bankruptcy.

Watch this on video:" https://youtu.be/yC07zioARlY?si=pjx-H9eMpfOAoENf

Next time: Liar. Liar. Pants on fire.

"Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!