You’re listing a home for nearly $30 million! Why won’t you spend a few bucks on an editor?

The Intracoastal Waterway stretches some 3,000 miles from Boston to Key West and from the Florida Panhandle to the Mexican border. This is how it’s spelled: Intracoastal Waterway. With “Waterway.” And in capitals. It’s a waterway between barrier islands and the coast. “Intercoastal” would be from coast to coast. That would be Kansas. Or maybe the Pacific Ocean. These real estate folks added to their goof by later misspelling it “intercostal,” which is a medical term for the muscle between your ribs. Probably not what they meant.

As long as we have our hooks in this horrible paragraph, we note it contains many examples of mistakes we’ve pointed out in previous segments. Thanks for the shout-out! We’ve fixed it. You’ll have to do the work finding all the fixes. There are too many. But we did your editing for free! For further assistance, the real estate firm may contact the Horribly Wrong team.

Spectacular ocean-to-Intracoastal Waterway home on the coveted XXX block of XXX. Enjoy breathtaking sunrises on the ocean, and sunsets on the Intracoastal, right from your private property. The main house has an elevator, five bedrooms, 6-1/2 bathrooms and a two-car garage. The guest house has a full kitchen, one bedroom, one full bathroom and a one-car garage. All the windows are high-impact glass, and the roof was installed in 2018. The pool is on the ocean side, with stairs down to the beach. The Intracoastal side has its own beach area with a dock and a boat lift. This property is only minutes from the XXXX. That‘s why the water is so blue on the Intracoastal side. You will see manatees, porpoises and big sea turtles every day.

Omitting the hyphen (”debt-free”) and making runaway two words? The Rules Committee would be inclined to separately declare each a misdemeanor. But making both mistakes, in successive sentences, bumps this up to “conspiracy to write dumb.” The reader still can understand it. It just makes the company look dumb. As we said in our Feb. 13, 2022, “Bad ads” segment, an outfit’s refusal to take the few minutes required to write grammatically correct ads might provide customers insight on the quality of its product, or lack thereof. We’re just sayin’.

This goof is so glaring it should jump out at you like a jack-in-the-box. Phrases using “and” are grammatical shortcuts. Split one and you often see your mistake. This one should be, “My wife’s friend” and “My friend.” And in this case, you’ve stepped into a grammatical briar patch, so back out and try again: “A friend of my wife and myself booked us a table.” Yes, it looks wrong, but it’s not. “A friend of my wife” and “a friend of myself.” Not “a friend of I.” Under no circumstances would you ever, ever, ever, say “I’s.” You know that.

Reader’s: For some folk’s, improperly adding apostrophe’s to word’s is a way of life. (Bonus: Needs a comma after “Yorkers.”)

Again, readers here know what the caption writer meant, but that doesn’t exonerate. Twenty dollars doesn’t go far when meted out to 100 cars. That’s two dimes per vehicle. Correct: “The church gave $20 in gas to each of the first 100 motorists.”

“Rio Grande” means “big river.” So this says “Big River River.”

"MD,” in caps, for Maryland, works in the post office. But not here. Sounds like a bunch of doctors got blown up. Should it have been “Md.?” That’s awkward. How about “…in Maryland blast?”

Spellcheck programs come free with most writing software. They make a big red line when you misspell. Makes things really easy.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 15: If only, if only, if only. https://youtu.be/Q1S4j22bQPA

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!