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The great thing about a blog dedicated to bad writing is that we have an exhaustive supply of material. Here are examples of people making third-grader mistakes they could avoid if they thought about it for just a second.
1. Could of, would of, should of.
Could have, would have, should have.
2. He faced backwards in line.
Backward.
3. Beside, you’re ugly, too.
“Beside” means “next to.” “Besides” means other than, and is grammatically correct in this context, even if the statement is rude.
4. He had an enlarged prostrate and had to lie prostate.
The prostate is the organ that causes men so much trouble. “Prostrate” is lying flat.
5. The advertisement peeked my interest. The advertisement peaked my interest.
You mean “piqued.”
6. “Today is my best friend in the world’s birthday!”
We don’t know where to start with this mess. Yes we do. “Today is the birthday of my best friend in the world.”
7. “Police found the dead body near a creek.”
In this context, “dead body” is redundant. Remember: Say the sentence without the word and see if it still works. Write like you are paying by the word!
8. “I will call you no later then 7 pm.”
Many people stumble on then/than. They did this time. Correct: “I will call you no later than 7 p.m.” (Special thanks to loyal reader Debi Murray.)
9. “We’ll return to the second act of ‘Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar’ after this message.”
You’re not returning to the second act. You’re returning to the show. You can’t return to the second act if you haven’t gotten there yet. Say, “We’ll return for the second act.”
10. “Stay tuned for the greatest spectacle in sports.”
10 . Eliot’s wife is from Indianapolis, so naturally they watch the Indianapolis 500 car race on TV every year. This line, said before every commercial, always threw Eliot. Shouldn’t it be, “Stay tuned for more of the greatest spectacle in sports”?
Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/9Nxlrpxeb0I
Next time: Lazy is as lazy does.
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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