Readers: On a Saturday morning in February 1974, Eliot, then a high school senior, was in a Miami classroom, sitting for his College Level Examination Program (CLEP) test. He would pass it, allowing him to enter college as a sophomore. Sweet!

Eliot came across a question that actually caused him to start laughing. The people taking the test around him probably figured he’d snapped. But if you’ve been paying attention to our columns on bad writing, we suspect you’ll giggle at this as well:

“Encased in Lucite, a student can study a bug closely.”

This, of course, is a marvelous example of the infamous misplaced modifier. Wonder if the test makers threw it in on purpose to see who would snicker.

We dealt with a version of this common grammar misstep when we tackled “only.”  It creates an optic the writer definitely did not want, and one that often sparks chortles among the “Horribly Wrong” team. A student encased in Lucite? Help! 

Here’s more:

1. I shot an elephant in my pajamas!

The great Groucho Marx line. Followed by, “How it got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.”

2. After shooting at 10 people, police caught the gunman in the woods.

The police shot at 10 people?

3  The policeman shot a man with an AR-15.

Was that really necessary, officer? Of course the cop didn’t have the AR-15. “The policeman shot a man who was brandishing an AR-15.”

4.  He almost beat his girlfriend to death.

What if he almost beat his girlfriend to death, but she got out a window before he could touch her? That is not what happened here. He beat his girlfriend. Almost to death.

5. After roasting for three hours, we turned off the oven.

Ouch! Better than a day at the beach! Say, “After roasting the turkey for three hours, we turned off the oven.”

6. Siblings were reunited after 20 years apart at Walmart.

Trapped wandering separate aisles for two decades! The horror. Say, “After 20 years apart, siblings are reunited in Walmart.”

7.  Having hung on the mantel for decades, Lord Saltire fired the shotgun.

All those years poor Lord Saltire dangled from the mantel! How about: “Lord Saltire fired the shotgun that had hung on the mantel for decades.”

8.  Elton John wrote the opening lines to “Candle in the Wind” flying to New York on the back of his boarding pass.

Was the boarding pass a miniature flying carpet? Instead: “On a flight to New York, Elton John wrote the opening lines to ‘Candle in the Wind’ on the back of a boarding pass.”

9. Kim Ng was named general manager of the Marlins, the first woman to ascend to the top post in a baseball operations department.

The Marlins are not “the first woman…” Easy fix: “…named general manager of the Marlins, making her the first woman….”

10. He died after injuring his head in a fall while going down steps and was hospitalized.

Hospitalizing a dead man seems a little moot, dontcha think? This was just an inadvertent anachronism. Say, “He had injured his head in a fall while going down steps and died later at a hospital.”

11. “Former cop charged with murder of George Floyd in court.”

He killed George Floyd in a courtroom? No. How about: “Former cop charged with murder of George Floyd is in court.” One word changes everything.

12. Meghan Markle made her first public appearance Tuesday since giving birth wearing Givenchy.

She gave birth wearing Givenchy? Wish we could have seen that!

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/9VVUqN8G5m8

Next time: Bad ads

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!