Readers: We’ve been beating up TV news. In the interest of fairness, we note that over the years, we’ve found plenty of goofs in the newspapers as well, including, sadly, the one where we both worked before we retired. As copy editor, Lou Ann took each published error personally, because a copy editor missed it. That included the ones that weren’t her fault, which is to say almost none of them. Yes, the goofs shown below show up regularly on TV. But we are print snobs who would like to think we’re better than this.

1. Charlesworth not only drank but also said he was introduced to heroin and crack on the street. 

Sounds like Charlesworth did two things: He drank. And he said he was introduced to drugs. Instead, say, “Charlesworth said he not only drank but also was introduced to heroin and crack on the street.”

2. While at Mar-a-Lago when she was 16, Virginia Roberts said she was approached by...

The dreaded missing comma that turns “Let’s eat, Grandma” into “Let’s eat Grandma,” and moves us from the Thanksgiving table to the domain of Hannibal Lecter. In this case, the reporter’s goof suggested Virginia said these things when she was at Mar-a-Lago when she was 16. Of course, it’s now that she’s saying those things. Adding the comma makes all the difference. Say, “While at Mar-a-Lago when she was 16, Virginia Roberts said, she was approached by…”

3. The mission on the moon was over, and astronaut Buzz Aldrin peaked out from the Apollo lunar module onto the powdery gray…”

This one makes your head explode. How about “peeked.”

4. His blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit to be driving drunk..

Another all-star goof. The level was three times the legal limit to be NOT driving drunk. “Limit” means top end. Say, “His blood alcohol level was three times the legal minimum for impairment.” Or “threshold.”

5. Went missing.

Whoever coined this needs to be teleported from the USS Enterprise into deep space. You don’t go missing. You don’t do anything. Others discover that you are missing because you have vanished or disappeared.

6. Charges were pending.

What does this mean? That they haven’t decided whether to charge? Or they are charging but they just haven’t done the paperwork yet? Big difference! If you don’t know, how can you use it? Once Eliot called the police spokeswoman and asked her which. She’d written the advisory, and she didn’t know!

7. The victim was not named, pending notification of next of kin.

Pending notification of next of kin? Brutal cliché and cop-speak. Next of kin? Really? Plus there’s passive writing. How about, “Authorities would not name the victim, saying they hadn’t yet contacted his/her family.”

8. With his apparent defeat at the polls, Michael Cohen, Trump's former personal lawyer, predicts Mar-a-Lago will become Trump's gilded hidey-hole.

It wasn’t Michael Cohen who was defeated at the polls.

9. The man fired an automatic weapon into the crowd and also had a cache of assault weapons.

Most Americans do not own automatic weapons. Such a gun fires continuously as long as you hold down the trigger. Those kinds of guns are illegal or require government permission. Many guns are semi-automatic. They keep loading bullets but you have to depress the trigger each time. There’s no such thing as an assault weapon, only assault rifles. They are rifles that can be fired as semi-automatic or automatic. They also require government permission. And by the way, you mixed the action in your sentences. The first thing he did was fire into the crowd. The second thing he did was have a cache of weapons. Instead, say, Police say the man fired a semi-automatic weapon into the crowd. Investigators later said he also had a cache of weapons.

10. …the then-Senate hopeful’s photographer and personal aid.

This was in a national feature, which means dozens of papers ran this unforgivable goof. Of course, the man was Obama’s personal aide.

11. DeSantis spoke during a news conference immediately following the delivery, which included giving a dose to a nurse who worked at Tampa General some time after 11.

What a mess. Did the news conference include the delivery of the dose to the nurse? Did the nurse work at Tampa General some time after 11? Huh?

12. Former President Trump was "promising a comeback after being cleared by the Senate for inciting the Capitol riot."

Cleared for inciting the riot? The whole sentence is wrong in so many ways. How about: "promising a comeback after he allegedly incited the deadly Capitol riot and was impeached by the House but was acquitted by the Senate."

13. An unidentified suspect robbed the bank. Later, Robert DeNiro was arrested. He is suspected of being the suspect who is suspected of robbing the bank. 

In Eliot’s four-plus decades of reporting, much of it about crime, nothing was more infuriating than this one. We found the mistake in old radio shows dating to the 1930s. A suspect is someone who is suspected of something. Duh. A suspect doesn’t rob a bank. A bank robber robs a bank. Later, when police begin to believe Robert DeNiro robbed the bank, only then does Bob become the suspect. If police say a suspect robbed a bank, ask of what he was suspected when he did so. And “unidentified suspect” is impossible. Also, once DeNiro is charged, he’s not even the suspect any more. He’s the defendant.

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/h62Bvtfphzo

Next Time: Horror in the Boardroom

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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